This past weekend 21 people from Wichita came to Texas and we retreated together. One challenge we all agreed on is that for the next 30 days we will spend at least 5 minutes with God. We have to pick a special place and a special time and show up. We don't have to do anything, say anything, write anything, or be anything. We just have to show up to our God time. We did kind of decide to journal about our God time but only when we were moved to. Journaling is definitely not a requirement but we did all take a journal.
I decided that since I issued the challenge that maybe I should publicly share some of the things that are happening in my God time. Perhaps it will serve as a guide to some of you who took the challenge. Maybe it will remind you to show up to your God time. You may feel like sharing some of your comments too. Whatever sharing does is God's business. I am just trying to obey. So here goes.
March 22, 2009
There are dishes that need washing and clothes that need folding. Now is not the time to worry about household tasks. Now is the time to be with you, Jesus. The time that I need to show up. I probably shouldn't use so many words now but there is so much you have taught me this weekend.
Thursday afternoon we sat in a circle at Caddo Lake singing songs and sharing. I asked for us to think about and articulate why we believe in God. We would return to the question later that evening. While we were sharing, a bumble bee entered our circle. He hovered and each time someone tried to shoo him he would move a bit but he remained with us. Finally, he would turn toward a person and look then move on to another person. This went on for a long while. It was so strange. What are you saying through that bee. It was weird.
Thursday night You spoke to us so profoundly. We had to ask ourselves - Do I truly believe in God? Why? Is it because I have been taught to? Is it because I was born in America and Christianity is the primary belief system? Do I really believe in God?
We sat there thinking and allowing the question to pour over us like rain. As we considered our belief in God, a more probing question began to surface - If we do believe in God, do we believe everything He says about us? Meme read a verse from Zephaniah 3:17. Do we really believe that God rejoices over us with singing? Do we believe that we are the Beloved of God? If we don't believe what God says about us, what does that make God?
We wondered if we were trying to "do" the God thing or just be God's. We wondered what our motives were for the actions we did in Your Name. Are we only what we do? What if we don't do anything? What if we don't do anything for You? No great ministry, No great action, No great words - we are just Your children. Everything in our society (secular and sacred) tells us we are what we do but we are not. We are so much more. We are Your Beloved. We are the Apple of Your Eye. We are what you created us to be. All I ever have to be is what You made me.
It hit us all pretty hard. We had to be with You. We didn't want to talk much. It was all more than words could convey.
After a while, Dan and I began to talk about the day. We talked about that Bee. We both felt it was You trying to speak to us. Maybe you were telling us to "BEE" aware: to look for You everywhere. OK - I admit it sounds hokey but You do speak in the weirdest ways.
At any rate, we decided to pay attention. We want to hear You. We want to rest in You. We want to do Your will. We want to be Your Beloved. We want to be closer to You. But we don't know how. Help us Lord. Have mercy on us.
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